london_spy | House

"All of it," Danny snapped, not meaning to let all that anxiety out in such an angry tone, and looking uneasy as he calmed himself. "I love you, but everything changed so fast, and things happened that I didn't anticipate. ...And then there's James. Who- He's gone, but- He's not gone. You're grieving, and I- I don't know how you aren't out there, searching for him, even if he's- I couldn't do it. I couldn't just accept it the way you do. And that's not a critique or judgement, it's an admission. ...I'm not good at just letting things go."

House winced. Then said quietly, "This is me respecting the wishes of a dying man. I know why he did this, I know why this is what he wanted. It's the last fucking thing I can do for him and I'm just trying not to be selfish."

Danny said nothing for a long moment, but eventually nodded.

"I know, and I understand that, I just- ...I'm just admitting I couldn't be as strong as you right now, I guess."

"I don't feel particularly strong," House said.

Then he hesitated, before finally saying, "I'd been preparing myself for a time when I could... go all in with you. But now I'm not sure that's what you want."

"Me either," Danny said honestly. "I mean- No, that's not true, there's part of me that wants nothing more than to play happy families with you. To have a proper go at a real relationship, you know? But I also- I mean there's John, who- I don't know how I feel about yet. I like him, he's become a good mate, and he's- He's going to help me get started as a PI. And there's also- There's also this desire not to be your rebound. You're vulnerable right now, and I know that, because I've been there. Not in the same way, but I've been there, Greg, and I know, first hand, that there's healing that has to happen. ...So I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, but I think we both have to navigate this carefully- and slowly."

House heard this, and all he could see was a complete replay of Fin and Hex. So much for not wanting to share... and in the end, he was going to pick John.

"If you want to explore things with John you don't have to give me other reasons," House said, looking away from him. "I know what the past months have been like for you. I had my chance. The timing was off."

Danny sighed.

"First of all, you just dismissed the majority of what I just said. Second, I'm not looking to 'explore' with someone who won't tell me what he ate for breakfast and threatens to leave the city every other day. I get it though, it was fine when I was sharing you with James, but it doesn't go both ways now he's gone. That's fine, that's all you had to say, Greg," he replied, before stabbing one of his shrimp with his fork.

"I didn't - no, you're right, I dismissed it. A rebound by definition is one that starts shortly after a previous one. That's not the case here." House hated talking about his feelings, so this was pretty torturous.

"No, you're right, technical terms make all the difference here," Danny said flatly. "...What do you want, Greg? Do you want me to stop fucking John? ...You want to be my boyfriend? I mean, now that your real boyfriend's gone, is that what you want? Because I was always the backup. I'm not thick, I wasn't when we started this. I was all in, well aware I was number two. That's not the case for you, by the way, you were always my first pick, but god- The way you act now you think you might be runner up to someone... It's rich, yeah? Really rich."

He put his fork down and rubbed his face. "I'm sorry, I'm being an ass, I know I am. Look, all I was asking is that we don't rush into anything. That was it. That- That was what I was getting at."

He was right. About a lot of that. But - "You weren't... a backup, Danny. It was all just shit timing. But you're right. And I - "

He should just say it. Might as well just lay out his scars. "I know you're not Fin."

Danny groaned, raking his fingers through his hair.

Of course that's what this was about. Of course it was about Flynn.

"No. No, I'm really not. But honestly, that's another reason to take this slow. ...Because I don't think you're over him. Hell, I really don't think he's over you. ...And that's fine, it really is, we all have people it's hard to let go of," he assured him with a sigh, trying to be as gentle as he could be, even though the mere mention of Flynn made him want to scream sometimes.

"It's not that I - I mean, it doesn't have to do with him, it has to do with me being in that situation for years," House said. "It's also why... I hated if I made you feel that way. I know you said you were okay with it but it was still tearing me up. Because I know what it's like."

He looked down at the table. "I don't know how to make all of this up to you. It's just a fucked up way to start a relationship, and I understand why you might want to... not."

"I already said my feelings haven't changed, I just want to go slow," Danny sighed. "That's all, Greg. Slow. For both our sake. But we do need to talk about John. If you want me to stop seeing him romantically, I will, but you should know we are going to try and open a PI business together. Hex made it clear he's not all in, and I don't think it's safe for me to go into this on my own. John has experience of a sort, and he thinks he could assist me part time."

House was quiet for a second and then said, "What do you mean by going slow?" The reason he was asking was that he would have assumed something that fell into that category was 'telling me to stop fucking the other guy.'

"I don't know. ...That we aren't moving in with one another in a week, that we still get to know one another more... I don't know, I just. It feels wrong just swooping in now he's gone. It feels morbid," Danny said awkwardly.

"I wasn't going to propose," House said awkwardly, also thinking that the idea of moving in together sounded terrifying. "I thought you might want... a break."

"Stop, stop putting it on me and what I want, Greg. You're the one going through change, through trauma. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need," Danny said quietly. "I'm not going to get mad, but you asking me fifty questions and hating some of my answers isn't getting us anywhere, it's just you trying to get me to vocalize what you want- But I'm not a mindreader. I need you to speak up. That's where we start, okay?"

Danny could see through House's words better than maybe anyone he'd been with. The fact that he was so sharp just made House want him more. Which wasn't helping.

"I barely remember what it's like to have something that felt... normal. Like not some Greek tragedy waiting to happen."

"So you want normal, that's understandable. After everything you've been through, that's understandable. Tell me what normal is for you then," Danny said gently.

"Well, you're not dying and you're not a magical creature, so we're off to a good start," said House. "And I just... like you. Without any weird baggage behind it. I like your mind."

Danny smiled at that. "I like your mind too," he said softly. "So we go slow. We date, we do normal- We see where it goes."

House wanted to tell him that yes, he would like him to stop sleeping with John.

But how could he, without being an utter hypocrite? Danny would just come to resent him for it.

"Okay," said House, and took a little breath. "Okay. So does that mean we can't have sex until date three?"

Danny rolled his eyes, but smiled.

"Eat your lunch," he chuckled, picking his own fork back up.

House ate, and there was a slight mull, and eventually House said, "I'm back on Vicodin. I just thought you should... know."

"You haven't spoken to him?" Danny asked curiously.

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