Hex

[london_spy]

from here

Danny was stone still for a moment, but eventually moved to cover Hex's hand with his own. He honestly wasn't sure what to say. So much had happened, so much had changed. In the end he settled on something simple.

"I wasn't gone forever, I just- I had things I needed to at least try and settle," he said softly.

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[just_hex]

"I'm so glad to see you," he said quietly, as if he spoke too loud Danny might vanish again. "I've been so worried. Are you well? Been taking your meds and seeing the doctor...?"

He couldn't stop touching Danny. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed Danny, like an open wound that never healed, until he has the man before him. Now it was so clear. But even two hours ago he'd all but drank the man out of his thoughts.

[london_spy]

Danny hesitated for a long moment, but eventually leaned into the touch, his eyes slipping shut as though he hadn't been touched in far too long.

"I'm fine," he promised. "I'm on my meds, I've been to the clinic. I'm alright."

Maybe he hadn't seen the doctor as often as he should have. Maybe he'd missed his meds once or twice, but he was well as he could be.

"Your friend insisted it was safe for me to come back. That you weren't doing well."

[just_hex]

"I'm not," he said softly. "Everything's gone to shit. I'm drinking too much, I've lost Fin from me life, and you...me life is a mess. I'm so sorry. You don't need me mess on top of your own."

But he wanted it to all be alright. Maybe if he had something good to hold onto he could turn things around. Maybe it wasn't too late for him. For them.

[london_spy]

Danny said nothing for a moment, then stepped closer to put his arms around Hex.

"My mess is... Scotty's dead," he said quietly. "They killed him, and they wiped Alex's research. ...I got the truth I wanted in the end, but- There's nothing I can do. I tried. ...We tried. Alex's mum and I. We tried. No one wanted to hear it. ...It's over. It doesn't feel like it is, but- There's no where else to go. They won."

He drew back, looking at Hex for a moment, then looking away. "I was going to come back eventually, I just- I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was gone. I'm sorry I abandoned you just to chase ghosts. Maybe things would have been better if I'd stayed."

[just_hex]

Hex held him in return and buried his face against Danny's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about Scott. And Alex. I'm so sorry, Danny," he said softly. His eyes stung and he didn't bother to try to hold off the tears. In the moment it felt cathartic to cry a bit and let all the bullshit go.

[london_spy]

Rubbing Hex's back, Danny said nothing for a while. He'd done his weeping, he could be calm while Hex rode his emotions out.

"It's alright," he said after a long while. "Everything's going to be alright."

[just_hex]

"I've got to stop drinking, Danny," he said then. "Everything's is such a mess. I'm so sorry."

He was sorry for so much he hardly knew where to begin. He was sorry for everything.

[london_spy]

"You do," Danny agreed. "And you can. I know you can, I've seen you do it."

Wrapping his arms around himself, he exhaled softly. "I think we both, maybe, need to make a change. I have to stop chasing Alex's ghost, and you have to get dry again."

He raked his fingers through his hair, then chewed his bottom lip for a moment.

"Scotty left me his home. ...Left me everything, actually. He's- He was sober for years. The house is dry, if you want to come stay a while."

[just_hex]

"I'd like that. If I could get dry that will be a good start. A new beginning," he said. Then he paused.

"Should we try again? You and I? I understand if you want to wait."

[london_spy]

Danny was silent a moment, his brow slightly creased the way it often did when he was thinking.

"Last time, I- I wasn't really here. I mean, I was, but, not completely. I never let anything get serious because... I was still so fixated on him. Alex. ...I'd be a liar to say it's all behind me. I don't think he'll ever be behind me. ...I would like to try though. To be here. Really here."

[just_hex]

"I'd like that. And I'd like to be with you. Not an idea I have of you. Not rushing in. I'd like to try and be a good man for you," he said, fingers finding Danny's hand to trace the lines of them where he held himself.

[london_spy]

Danny watched Hex's hand for a moment, then took it with his own, squeezing gently.

"I'd like that too."

[just_hex]

He'd made such a mess of things. His life was out of control and he knew it needed to stop. Stop drinking, start working for success. He had Bobby to work out with, had a great new job...he just needed to stop wallowing in self pity and take strides to be better.

"Q gave me a shot to sober up," he said. "He said I'd want to be sober but he didn't say why. I never would have guessed he'd sent for you."

[london_spy]

"That's still not a real name," Danny insisted, a faint smile on his lips.

Sighing, he looked around the room. It was just a bit too posh for him to feel comfortable in, if he was honest. Scotty's place was full of nice things, but it was all subdued, like the man himself had been. And though he had Scotty's money now, a real roof over his head, Danny still lived like a man who needed to make his last dime last.

"Do you really want to stay here?" he asked after a moment. "I mean, it's... I don't mind if you do, but if you don't, we could go back to mine. You could stay a few days, get your head clear. Get sober."

[just_hex]

"I don't want to be here. We only came here because Spencer's mate Jenna is at me house and I didn't want to go home pissed," he explained. "I'd rather go home with you. I'd like that a lot."

[london_spy]

Danny nodded a little, then looked around.

"Come on then, I'll get us a cab if you like," he offered.

[just_hex]

Hex nodded and gathered his things. When they were out on the street in the fresh air he felt renewed. Like he was finally ready to make big changes.

"I've missed you, Danny," he said then. "I've missed you a lot."

[london_spy]

"I've missed you too," Danny assured him. "Really, Hex. I feel terrible about just walking out on you before. That was unkind of me. I hope you understand though- I had to go."

[just_hex]

"I didn't at the time, but I do. I understand now," he replied. "Maybe we can just start fresh now? Like a do-over. Yeah?"

[london_spy]

"I don't want to start over. I just think we can get better," Danny suggested.

[just_hex]

His heart swelled to hear that and he smiled.

"Yeah. I'd like that. But...slower. No rushing in, yeah?"

[london_spy]

"That seems fair," he agreed quietly, wondering if this meant that Hex wasn't interested in being exclusive anymore, and hating himself for throwing away something so good.

[just_hex]

"Good. All the rest we can sort out at home."

He looked forward to that, actually. For tonight he was looking forward to a quiet night together, the two of them safely away from the world.

[london_spy]

Danny nodded, texting for a cab and trying to ignore the worry sitting in his chest.

[just_hex]

Once Danny had made the call and tucked his phone away, then Hex moved in close again. He needed to touch him. For all his talk of going slow, he still needed to hold Danny in his arms.

"You're so thin," he said softly.